Fear of the Known

For many people, genealogy can be quite fascinating; for others, it can be quite frightening. There are some people who choose not to explore their genealogy because they are fearful of what they may find. They would just rather not know because what is known may be too much for them to bear.

It would be a wonderful thing if all of our ancestors were upstanding, law abiding citizens who never did wrong or caused any trouble. Maybe they could've been community advocates, royalty, or maybe achieved some other form of fame or success. In such instances, these would be wonderful things to recall about our family histories; however, for various individuals this is not the case. Some family histories are laced with tales of infidelity, poverty, brawlers and outlaws, various forms of abuse, and the list goes on. These things can be embarrassing and hurtful, and usually requires being dealt with delicately. 

Over the past few years, I've encountered a few people who have expressed that they have an interest in researching their family. Before they could even get off of the ground good with any research, they were urged to stop by this person or that person in their family. Clearly, there were things that those family members did not want them to find out. Imagine for just a moment what it would be like if we concealed world history or American history the way we conceal family history from relatives. 

While I do understand that you can't force an individual to share information that they aren't ready to share, the point is that no matter how good or how bad, that information may be of some significance within your family. 

If you're still interested in researching your family, but having reservations because of family members, maybe these few tips can help you. REMEMBER:

1. We are not responsible for the actions of relatives who lived before us! There is no reason to carry that kind of guilt. 
2. No family is perfect and no one person in your family is perfect. 
3. If someone tells you that they don't want to talk about it - don't. That doesn't mean that they may never talk to you about it, but it just may not be the right time. Respect where they are in their decision at that moment. And occasionally try to ease into it to see if they've softened up to talk about it ;-) I've gone as far as asking somebody else. That may or may not work for you. You know your family dynamic. 
4. Do your own research. Just because "so and so" doesn't want to know, that doesn't stop you from knowing. You don't have to hold a family press conference to let the entire family know that you've been secretly researching. Research whatever information you deem necessary and file it away.  
5. Let people believe what they want to believe. You can have all the documented proof in the world, and there will still be that one relative who will challenge anything you say or show them because "so and so" has told them otherwise. There is no need to argue about it. If that's their reality, let them live in it. You just continue keeping accurate family records. 
6. If you're the keeper of family records and you're asked to keep confidentiality about a specific matter or person, you should respect those wishes. They know you're responsible enough to keep good family records without embarrassing them to the entire family. Now if this is about something that happened way back in like 1890, your family member really needs to stop! 
7. You can always hire me to do the research for you (smile)!

Happy Searching! :-D